Weight lose vs happiness: Losing the battle

Well fuck this!  I've been doing so good and then christmas happened now it's been 2 weeks since my last workout and I've eaten like complete shit. Each time I put something bad in my mouth I tried to justify it as enjoying the holidays.  I enjoyed them alright but there was no balance.  Now I'm even more disappointed in myself and I feel even worse in my skin.  So fuck it! 

I hate feeling this way,  I hate getting off track.  I'm to the point now where I'm just pissed at myself. I need something more,  a better plan to help me find that balance between the battle of Losing weight and my happiness.  Because right now I'm definitely losing. I'm at a loss as to what to do but I'll figure something out...I hope.

I wish I was one of those lucky people who could have a personal chef and a trainer. Seriously a month or two of that would be amazing and would get back in the habit of eating good and working out.  But I know that's a far fetched option so my only option is for me to stop wasting time and get my ass in grear.  Why if I've already lost 30lbs once am I struggling to get started again. I know how great I felt when I was in shape I thought it would be enough motivation but I guess I was wrong.  Maybe this time I need a little more of a support system and not just myself. we will see I'm going to have it figured out in the next 2 days so I can start 2015 off right. 

Big Changes Require Small Steps

Like many things in life, big changes require small steps. I thought I could handle jumping in head first into clean eating. Well it has been more of a challenge than I expected. Thankfully though I haven't let my mess ups stop me from making small improvements each day. The first day was horrible, I think I had 2 glasses of wine, pizza, pumpkin pie, and chips, along with other bad things. BUT the next day I decided to do better and this cycle of improving has just continued.

It actually is getting me excited to be making these changes. I've also been working out really well and staying consistent the past week. I have already dropped 3 lbs and I am happy with the progress. I forgot how much motivation there is in watching my body change from my hard work and effort. The changes are small and only I can feel them at this point but I know that if I keep up the efforts I will be able to see the differences. Hopefully in the way my pants fit me.

The works outs have also been another lesson. I know how to lose weight and I know which exercises work best for me but it's all a matter of me actually doing them. I tend to sell myself short on what I can do. Especially when I haven't worked out in such a long time. I don't realize just how big the barriers my thoughts are putting on myself. I am learning to talk to myself in a more positive way and in a more encouraging way. So when I'm feeling tired and ready to stop not because I can't go anymore but just because I don't want to work that hard. I tell myself, "Don't cut yourself short, it's not going to help you reach your goals, go a little further. You'll be happy you did." Usually when I'm really struggling I repeat this a few times. But once again big changes require small steps. These small steps I'm taking are leading me down the path I have been struggling to find for a few months now. And now that I'm back at the beginning of the path I am looking forward to staying on it and reaching my goal. My goal to finally feel comfortable in my own skin and clothes again. A goal to keep me healthy so I can be there for my family. I'm excited to finally be back on track!

These small steps to change are the hardest to get moving but once they are in motion I feel like they are the hardest to stop.

Diet Pyramid Scheme

Ever have that moment of realization, the realization that you've completely let yourself go? I had that just the other day. I went bridesmaid dress shopping with a few friends and it was a sad realization I was the biggest one. And now recently my skin is starting to hurt because it's having to stretch again. Some may think this is an exaggeration but it's sadly the truth. 

This made me think about how I got
to this point. Last year this time I was fitting into a size 7 and running almost an hour and a half daily. Now I'm a size 11/12 and can barely run for 25 mins. This is so depressing to think how one small choice can lead to so many bad choices that trying to get back on track is just plain depressing. Thinking about my choices to eat poorly or not workout that day lead me to come up with the diet pyramid scheme. I know when I hear the words pyramid scheme I automatically think about the negative. But there are some people and some companies that have a system built up that can be very helpful and beneficial for those involved.

This is a pyramid scheme is not one that others get us involved in it's one that we put on ourselves. It's one that like most pyramid schemes can be either really good for some or really bad for others.

Think about the people who succeed at those type of businesses. They are the self-motivated individuals ready for a positive change in their lives, willing to put in the effort to build up their team full of positive people who can help them succeed. Now on the other hand those who don't succeed tend to just end up wasting time and money. These are the people who are wishful thinkers that don't want to put in the time and effort to get the results they want, usually hoping to find that one person who will do all the work to get them to the top.

The diet pyramid scheme is just like the business pyramid schemes. People who are ready for a change in their bodies, lifestyles, and who are motivated to do what it takes are usually the ones who see the biggest difference and keep on track for the long haul. The ones who can motivate people and see the results they want over time. These people are the ones that are building their pyramid on positive choices by eating better and working out properly.  People who are wishful and unrealistic tend to make the right choices for a little bit hoping to get the results they want. These people usually end up being depressed because the weight is not coming off and they aren't going to see the results they want. Building their pyramid on negativity, poor eating habits, and lacking the proper work outs.

Now I can understand both sides of the pyramid. Last year I was on the positive side. Working my ass off to lose all 30lbs of baby weight and to finally FEEL good in my body. However, this year, once I started working I was sitting for 8 plus hours a day. I start making excuses for why I wasn't working out or why I was eating more junk food. Those bad choices started out slowly and then gradually became a norm in my daily life. I am now 25lbs heavier since January and I FEEL like crap in my own body. Well I'm done being on the wishful thinking and having unrealistic goals that lead me to nowhere. Nowhere but sad and depressed; eating a large candy bar, followed by a whole bottle of salsa and practically a whole bag of chips. And don't forget about all the wine! The problem is I get started and I'm doing well and staying strong for a week or two at a time then I find some reason usually it was a trip to stop working out. I'd tell myself, you can just start again when you get home...That leads to me having to start all over again and thus the cycle begins again.

If you look at the earlier posts I kept saying I'm done with this crap, no more for me....well it was all bullshit really. Just me crying wolf, it was me thinking I was really ready to take on such a large challenge. But I wasn't ready, there were too many excuses I kept making over and over. Now I feel like since I have all of my trips out of the way. A wedding to look good for in 5 months, and I'm not working anymore. I have zero excuses not to get back into shape and to feel better about myself.  This doesn't just include working out this also included the foods I eat and how much I drink. I am going to challenge myself to 30 days of clean eating starting on December 1. Of course I'll have cheat days on Christmas and New Years Eve but I'd really like to get back to my strict eating habits and working out habits as well. I have 25lbs to lose and a size 6 dress to fit into by April. I'm done being on the negative side of the diet pyramid scheme. No more building up my pyramid with poor choices. Today it is all about positive reinforcement.This means talking to myself  in a kinder way, being happy about the good choices I make and thinking about the bigger picture. This means that I know with time and patience the results I want will happen and not in two weeks. Two weeks isn't long enough to be where I want to...two months is different. By then it will be fun to see how far I've come along. I'll post my recipes and reviews as I take on the 30 day clean eating challenge. Anyone else who wants to join I'd love to be of support and have more support.


Think about it, what type of pyramid are you building yourself up on...the good or the bad?

I'm Back!

I've been gone the last two weeks traveling as much as I can with my flight benefits before I quit my job. I no longer work for an airline, I will be starting my next adventure of returning to school full time to earn my teaching degree!

I just got caught up on all my errands and phone calls I needed to do so I will be back to blogging within the next day or two. Stay tuned, I've got some fun things in mind!

The Lonely Civilian Effect

As I reflect on this special day for our family, I think about the years of service my husband gave to his country. I think about all the wonderful men and women we met along the way. These men and women were not all soldiers but they were all a part of the military.  Most women I met were the wives or girlfriends of the men my husband worked with. These women became my closest friends and confidants during the most challenging time in our lives. We all went through two-four deployments with our soldiers. Some were on their first. No matter what we were all there to help offer support to one another. The military life is one that can't be explained to civilians. It is a life full of waiting, laughter, tears, stress, joy, and many more emotions all at once. This life usually takes you far away from your friends and biological families. This allows for the strong sense of community that is felt being a part of the military. This community allowed us to build a family not tied together by blood but by life.

Being a part of the military family has helped me become who I am. I have a stronger perspective on what sacrifice truly is and just how strong people can be for one another. Of course the military has its many downfalls but today is not about that. Today is about the sacrifice our soldiers made to serve our country. Some we lost along the way and others never really quite came back the same. Today is also a day to remember the love, strength, and sacrifices that we as military spouses made and show on a daily basis. I like to think of the spouses as the backbone of the military. Without families to love and support our men and women there is no reason for them to fight for our freedom. We served as their reasons to help create a better life for our country, without the families there would be no need for passion or for sacrifice. There's nothing selfless about giving up your life for your life; it's when the life that is taken away all too soon is given up for their brothers they're fighting alongside, their mothers, fathers, spouses, children, brothers or sisters, this is where the true selfless act takes place.  These men and women deserve the utmost respect and gratitude for their work and sacrifice. I also think their families deserve the same. I feel that the struggles and side effects of military life on the families is something that isn't talked about enough; or given enough credit.

I can only speak from experience that being a part of such a large family has been one of the best experiences of my life. Today of all days I'm missing our military family and the friends. So much that I get what I call the lonely civilian effect. The civilian effect isn't one that I was warned about, people warn you that life is different and some people can't handle civilian life for one reason or another and end up joining back up shortly after they get out. Let me explain. 

There's a difference between being in the military and being out of the military. The loneliness one feels while being in the military is a feeling of missing family and friends back home. Missing my husband when he is out on a training for weeks on end and I'm left back home to continue the my daily life. Being out of the military the loneliness that is felt is a feeling of missing that community, that comradery. The fact that there is always someone who understands what I was going through. I miss having people to call or called me almost daily to see what we were doing or how I was doing. I miss our Friday/Saturday BBQ/game night. We had some pretty epic BBQ's and some memorable game nights that left our sides hurting from laughing so hard.  In the military our schedules revolve around our spouses. And since most of the people I hung out with worked with my husband we all had very similar schedules making it easy to hold gatherings and to find time to hang out. In the civilian world things are very different each individual family has their own schedule it's not based on the military time frame but on our own. Which is wonderful but at the same time it makes it very difficult to plan times to hang out with one another. I find that this is one reason why making friends outside of the military is such a challenge and this is where the civilian loneliness comes in.  I still stay in contact with many of the friends I made being in the military but texting and facebook just aren't the same as our BBQ's or game nights.

As my closest friend, Weronika and I text back and forth day in and out it’s just not the same as having someone to talk with in person. I understand that being a stay at home mom or a working mom requires some sacrifices, most people don't understand that one is having close friends. I have lived in Utah for over 5 years now I have met wonderful people but no one I know who just walks in the door and make themselves at home. No one who texts or calls me with problems or good news. At times it's extremely lonely. When we transferred bases within the first 6 months we had made new friends that I hung out with all the time. I thought I was just being emotional and unable to detach myself from that life but now Weronika is in similar position and has experienced some of that loneliness. Which makes being apart so much harder. Being a part of a military family this kind of loneliness doesn't last long because there's always someone else going through something similar or someone new moving in. It's easy to find things in common with almost anyone. In the civilian world, it's much harder and lonely.

Another big difference is that where I live most people have their families close by and most would rather hang out with their family than find new friends. It's weird to me to see because when you live away from your family there's something special about finding and building a new family. A family away from your real family. Spending holidays together, going shopping together, and even arguing like a real family. Being in an area where everyone is surrounded by their real family means they aren't forced to go out of their circle of comfort to find new friends. Which is what I feel has made finding good friends hard to do.

Since I'm not a part of a church community or my children aren't old enough to be in school or sports programs I feel like I'm at a disadvantage. Now don't get me wrong I have tried to find friends, I have sought out friendships but honestly I haven't been able to find anything close to the military life. I'm sure many women will understand what I mean. And those who don't are probably thinking why I don’t join mommy and me groups, set up play dates, etc. Well I've tried all that I've even tried joining Bunco groups but with no success. I'm not trying to throw a pity party here; I've had 5 years to deal with it and have learned to accept it. All I'm trying to say is that this is a side effect that lingers and is one that should be talked about with the families. Civilian life is very different. I think what really surprises me the most is how long this side effect has lasted. There are moments that hit me out of nowhere and I miss it so much I actually cry. 

Thankfully though I still have a very close friend I talk with all the time and I have a wonderful spouse that does nothing but support me. My children have helped with the distraction and I love having them around. I often wonder how life would be if we were still in the military now that we have children. The challenges and struggles would be different but that community of support would still be there. What I worry about are the women who don't have that support. How they are handling it and what resources are available for them.  I wish the government would take the families struggles into considerations as well. After all we are the backbone of the military.

I'm grateful for our time there and the people we did meet. The memories of our time have brought me joy in these sad moments and possibly what have brought them on. But I wouldn't change my life for anything. I'm proud that I can call myself a military spouse and that my husband served his country proudly.

 

These Days

 When I look at my little girl I have a sense I've known her my whole life. A sense she was always the one I felt was waiting for me.  And when I look my son I see the love and joy I was always searching for.  My children are so different and it's amazing to me to see the different purposes they have in my life.  The different lessons each of them have taught me. I know this now,  this was the something special God had intended all along. All my struggles to find myself,  find happiness, and peace they've all lead up to me becoming a wife and a mother. 

I think back to one instance where my world was very dark.  My life seemed pointless.  I was in a very controlling and mentally abusive relationship, I was manipulated to the point I had pushed away my friends and family.  I was very lonely and the only person I could turn to was God. Even in my darkest moments there was always a small light that I held onto; the thought that one day i would be strong enough to over come this and find my happiness.  I knew life wasn't meant to be sad or hurting all the time. I realize now the light of hope that God was giving me was not just from him but it was also my children holding the light guiding me in the right direction. I'm so grateful they never gave up on me and stayed steady and patient waiting for me to find my way out of the darkness. 

Back to my life today.  My moments of darkness are still present in my life.  They no longer come in thoughts of uselessness or worthless. They now come in the moments of pure frustration and anger.  The darkness seems to wrap itself around me as I am yelling and freaking out at my children.  when I'm in that moment my emotions are uncontrollable and I can't help but yell and sometimes cry in pure frustration.  Then I look at my children and I see the sadness or even fear at times and I realize if I don't stop my darkness is going to wrap itself around my children as well.  It's my turn to be their light. To help give them the love, joy, and kindness they deserve. 

However on those long and exhausting days is easy to forget the light and love my children can bring into my life.  I know by the end of the night there are days where I yearn for just a few more precious moments.  And other days bed time can't come fast enough. I know on these bad days I really struggle with the guilt I feel once everyone is asleep and I  lay there recapping the events of the day. Praying that in my children's mind there was more good moments than bad.  Days like today are difficult for me to remember the small things that really matter in life.  It's days like this when I just need one moment of quiet or to ask one thing without getting yelled at or having to count to 3. These are the days when I need to remember it's my turn to be their light and love. It's on these days they need it the most. 

Travel Tips Thursday: Paris, France

So I've decided instead of thirsty Thursday, I'm going to start sharing all my travel tips and tricks each Thursday. Some of the trips might be local and most are around the United States. Except today's! Today's post will be about our trip to Paris! Are you sick of me talking about it yet, because I'm not.

Preparation:
Buy Rick Steve's travel book about Paris. Seriously it was a huge life saver! We got the kindle version which was nice but I think I would have preferred the actual book to switch back and forth between the pages.
Buy a map, a GOOD map, perferrably one that folds and is laminated...and one that has the metro routes on it. This will be a lifesaver too.
Research the area you want to stay in. We stayed at Hotel Normandy and loved it! We were a block away from the Louvre and there was a grocery store practically across the street. The travel agents were around the corner and we had about 4 different metro stations all within a short walk. The room was well maintained and most importantly the room cam with it's own SHOWER and TOILET! There are alot of places that have communal bathrooms and I just couldn't do that.
Look at the weather, it's always changing so make sure you bring the proper clothes.
Learn their culture, seriously do some research and remember Paris is not America, their standards and way of life are different. Try to learn about it and be respectful when you are there. We found that people were most helpful when we understood the processes.
Make sure you have your camera! I literally have over 800 pictures from our trip and I love every one of them.

Travel Must Do's in Paris:

Inside Notre Dame

1- Tourist Sites: Must purchase a Museum Pass, it's a must if you are planning on staying longer than 3 days. Seriously that pass was so easy to get. It's about 70 Euros a person and it's good for a week from the first day you visit one of the museums. It's also a must because most places have express lanes specific for the museum pass holders. It gets you into all the popular ones except the Eiffel Tower and a few others, be sure to double check that it's valid for the place you want to visit before standing in line for 30 minutes to and hour just to find out you have to go all the way back to purchase tickets.

These passes can be bought at any of the museums that participate or at the Travel Agents that are all over the city. It was nice because they spoke English and accepted American credit cards. We went to one right by our hotel and it literally took less than 5 minutes to get our pass.

My top 5 favorite places we visited were:
1) Notre Dame Cathedral: Waiting in line for 45 mins just to go to the top was so worth it! It's a beautiful view and its not too crowded because they only let a certain number of people up at one time. It is timed but they give you plenty of time to enjoy the scenery. Not very many restrooms in the cathedral, make sure you go to the bathroom ahead of time or have .50 cents on you to pay the cafes across the street so you can use their bathrooms.

Eiffel Tower at Sunrise

2) Basilica of Sacre-Coeur, Montmarte, Paris: This whole neighborhood was so pretty and lively. We purposely went around sunset to sit on the stairs and watch the city turn pink and orange. It was so beautiful and there was so many other people there it gave it a great feel almost like a carnival. And again the views were breath taking. It was almost overwhelming to see just how big the city is and how many homes there are in such a tight area. It really gave me a sense of appreciation for the big mountains and open skies I get to see each day.
3.) The Louvre: This one is definitely on the top five. We spent 6 hours and barely scratched the surface. I can understand how some people get overwhelmed in such a large place. But we loved it. I think what made it better for us is that we both chose a type of art work we wanted to see and we stuck to those areas of the museum. And by getting a little lost we got to see more than we had hoped. In the Louvre the translation headsets are 5Euros and totally worth it. They are interactive and they even help you if you get lost. It was nice hearing the descriptions for a lot of the paintings and statues. TIP: If the line is too long near the pyramid entrance there is a side door that not many people know about. I believe it's on the side closest to the river by the bridge. I would need a map to show you but the side entrance is good for pass holders and it's s little known secret we were not only told about ahead of time but also discovered for ourselves.  I also loved the gardens and parks around the Louvre. It's easy to spend an entire day in that neighborhood. Bring a picnic or get food from the cafes there or even if you walk a block or two away from it you'll find many other cafes that aren't quite as expensive and most still can speak English.

At the Louvre See the cool headsets 

4.)The Eiffel Tower at Sunrise/Sunset: Make sure you find out ahead of time when the sun is setting and rising the time you are there. Sunrise is a time when not many people are there and you feel like you have the place to yourself. Sunset is extremely crowded but the view from the top is gorgeous! The lines trying to get back down are not so gorgeous. TIP: Expect a long line at that time and I suggest buying tickets ahead of time. We went here: http://www.toureiffel.paris/ and purchased our tickets before we even left. What's great about it is you can print them off at home and avoid the long ticket lines. Plus at sunset if you wait for the hour after it sets the tower sparkles! It's so romantic and makes you feel like a giddy teenager again.
5.) Versailles: Talk about a gorgeous place to be! My goodness I loved this place. There was so many details to the gardens and the home. Going inside the home is a little crowded and by this point in our trip we were getting annoyed with all the people so we didn't stay long. Wish we would have done this as one of our first days so we could have enjoyed it a little bit more. But we did spend a good amount of time walking the gardens and along the lake. It was so peaceful because hardly anyone was out walking around they all stayed close to the main building. Definitely recommend wearing good shoes on this trip, ones that you can walk on gravel and dirt pathways. Heels or sandals are not the best. TIP: When purchasing tickets the normal metro tickets won't work you need to buy one specifically for Versailles, on the RER train. They will cost about 13 Euros round trip for one person (If I'm remembering correctly, I might be high balling it just in case I'm wrong.) You can buy these tickets at any metro station that sells metro tickets. On the map it will show you were those are with a big T. Also if you buy them from the metro they are still good to use once you transfer from the RER train to the city metro.

View from the Eiffel Tower at Sunset

There are so many other wonderful places that we really enjoyed. I know Jesse loved the Pompidou and I loved the night cruise. We didn't do the dinner cruises, they were SO expensive and the tour on the big bus was just as much fun. We got seats on the top of the boat so I could take pictures without the glare of the glass. But if it were snowing or raining I think the bottom would be just fine because you'd eventually get to see both sides.

One other recommendation would be to start the day early as possible. And try to be the first people at the major tourist sites. I think that really helped us avoid the crowds and minimize our wait time, if any. Also try to travel during the weekdays and be aware of the museums hours and days they are closed. They aren't the normal Saturday or Sunday like they are here in the states.


2- Money: Bring at least $100 in cash to the airport with you and exchange it out for small euro bills at the first place you can find. The reason being is that if you plan on taking the metro to your hotel or the bus. The metro kiosks don't take american credit cards and the coin machines don't take bills larger than 20 Euros. It's an outrageous exchange rate but you'll be happy you did it when you can breeze by everyone and get your tickets right away. But there's really no need to bring more than that. Make sure to ask your bank ahead of time what the exchange fee is on purchases or withdrawals overseas. I think with USAA it was 3%. Also on the topic of money you can easily withdrawal money from any ATM, just make sure it's a ligament bank before you insert your card and always have a back up card in case the first one gets eaten by the machine.

Most large tourist sites take american credit cards so you don't need much cash just enough to buy dinners and other small things for the smaller places where the credit cards won't work.

TRICK: Most restrooms are free if you are a paying customer but if you're looking for a nice clean place to go to the bathroom be sure to have .25 or .50 Euros on hand almost any cafe will let you use their toilette's if you can pay to use them.

Exploring the first day we got there,
my first view of the Eiffel Tower.

3- Transportation: The metro, rent-a-bike, the hop on and hop off busses, the bus, or by foot are all
great ways to get around. The metro was my favorite way to get around. The signs are so well marked and easy to read. The only scary part is trying to buy the tickets, We purchased the ticket packet that had 10 tickets each, we ended up using 3 of those for our trip. What was nice about it was that we could share and we didn't have to pay to try and figure out the card or get our picture taken. We might have spent more in the long run but to us it was the easiest and less stressful way of getting around. We attempted the city bikes that are everywhere but the thing with those is that you have to have a credit card with a chip and a pin number. One without the other will do you no good. Trust me I tried! I wanted to do the hop on and hop off busses because they really were every where and it would have been fun to see the city as we were traveling from place to place. But it just never worked for us to use it. I've had many people though tell me that when they were on a short visit that the bus was the best way to see multiple attractions in one day and still really be able to take in the beauty of the city.

On a night walk

By foot was possibly the slowest and most painful way...after a while I started walking like I was pregnant. Here's is my TIP/TRICK: You can still look and dress fashionable in Paris without having to resort to tennis shoes (even though there was a day I would have worn Mickey Mouse slippers if they were available). My tip is to bring not one, not two pairs of comfortable shoes but three! Now this is only if you're going for a long period of time. If it's a short trip two pairs will do just fine. But I learned the hard way and kept wearing the same shoes day after day. It wasn't until the 5 day that I realized I needed to change it up. As soon as I did my feet felt 100x better. After two days of those shoes I wanted out of them as well, so I tried putting on my first pair and I think my feet actually cried. I brought, my "riding" boots, sandals, and I wish I would have brought a nice pair of converse. But I've got to say our walks were some of my favorite times. When I wasn't in pain we got to see some of the prettiest neighborhoods that weren't over run by tourist. We really got to experience the life of a Parisian and really got to experience the city.

4- What I would do Different: If we ever get a chance to go back, I would learn to speak more French than just Bonjour and Merci. I would bring more shoes and less clothes. I would have been happier and tried better not to fight with my husband and much (see previous posts). I would have tried more foods. But other than that, it's hard to top our amazing 8 day trip. If you're interested in our day by day itinerary please comment below and I'll get one typed up for you.

On top of the Arc de Triumph

PS: This is one of the best places I've eaten in life! It was a little pricey and our only meal we spent over 100 Euros on but we did have at least 3 drinks each and a dessert but the food was incredible! And it was off the beaten path so not very loud and even had live music.

I'll have to do French cuisine another post!

Next Week I'll post about Washington DC...Was in the spirit with all the midterm voting...did you vote?

The Neverending Mommy Guilt

Mommy guilt, the feelings every mother has experienced at one time or another. This guilt is something that pushes us to be better or it can even have the opposite effect and push us into a deeper depression. For all you mom's listen well this is a realization that some mom's have already figured out. It's something that I came to learn and understand almost 2 years ago. Once I had this clarification and accepted it I don't have this guilty feeling quite as often.

My first realization was when I thought my mommy guilt came all from me and my expectations of how good of a job I feel I'm doing as a mother. Little did I know that there are other culprits that feed my guilt. The major culprit that I find in my life is my husband. Now don't get me wrong he is a wonderful husband and father. He works very hard and sacrifices so much to provide us with a wonderful life; but on the occassion when he comes home and mentions the house smells or it's not clean.  That's when I start second guessing myself. I'm sitting there thinking...well, I just vacuumed, swept the floor, took the trash out, etc. but then both kids decided to color on the walls, the dogs or the cat threw up sometimes both, or the kids decided to dump every single toy they have on the ground. Do I really need to go back and do it all over again...NO WAY! Instead of stressing myself out by the mess I am going to take the time and spend it with my children. I don't know if men truly understand that we really don't just sit on our asses all day or sleep all day. Once I realized that he was feeding my guilt I chose to change my attitude. It's not me that is doing a bad job. Of course I still make mistakes, this parenting stuff is no joke...well unless it involves getting pooped or peed on. I'm choosing each day to spend some time cleaning but the rest I am going to spend with my children...isn't that why I'm a stay at home mom anyways?  Not to slave over the house but to be there for my children to make sure that they are well taken care of. Once I realized this I look at my dirty dishes and think, "hm, what have I done today to make sure my children feel special or loved" When I know the answer I dont even worry about the dirty dishes. I know the dishes are just fine waiting another hour or so before they get put up.

 I know though that I'm doing my best and that my children really don't care if the dishes are dirty. They would rather me play peek a boo or help them with puzzles than spend my entire day cleaning. I just wish my husband could appreciate that a little more but I know he's not here most of the time so he doesn't get to see the big picture and for that I can't be too hard on him. All I can do is try to help him see that my spending time with the children is going to be more memorable than
anything.

Another not so surprising culprit is other moms...my goodness am I competitive and I like to compare myself to other women.  I know that's bad for me to do since it usually makes me feel pretty lousy about myself but I can't seem to help it. I'm working right now on not comparing myself to others. It was something I practiced while being pregnant. Since not all pregnant women look the same, I knew I couldn't compare myself to a girl who was a size 0 before because that's just not me. Just like I can't compare myself to a working mom, I'm not a working mom and my responsibilities are different than hers. It's a tough challenge because there are some incredible women out there who seem like they truly can do it all. But I look at those moms, the ones who are actually dressed and ready for the day by 8am. Or those mom's who don't yell or the ones with the perfectly clean homes. After I realized most my mommy guilt was coming from comparing myself to other moms I realized I had to change my attitude about them as well. Now I look at them differently too. I think about all the stress and guilt they must put on themselves. I don't need to add more for them so I try my best to be nothing but encouraging and positive toward other moms. Because in all honesty who knows if she's at her wits end or just needs to know she's  not failing as a mother. The judgemental looks from other mothers are the worst! And they truly shock me I wonder if they have the parent brain going on that helped them forget what it was like to have young children.  I'd rather have a sympothy look or smile then one of cruel judgement.

So for all you moms out there, start rethinking about your expectations and think about why you're so hard on yourself. Your children are only young for a little while and while they are remember, they want nothing more but your attention, approval, comfort and love. Please realize that you're doing an amazing job and no one else should ever tell you other wise..of course there are always exceptions to that but that topic can be saved for another day.  In the mean time go give your babies a big hug and kiss and remember to spend a little extra time with them. They grow up too fast.

Day Trip to New York City With My Kids

As I was preparing for our trip I didn't realize just how crazy I was in even trying to attempt this. I work for an airline so I get to fly free as standby which makes most of our trips possible. So last week I looked and I saw that the flights were wide open and there would be zero problems getting on the flight or seats next to one another. Now again if you're new to the blog, my children are 2 years old and 3.5 years old. So making sure that they aren't being sat by some weirdo is a major concern of mine while traveling. I only had 1 day open to make this trip so I figured what the hell, lets try it!

Preparation:
The preparation was a big part in making sure that this plan went smoothly. I made sure both my kids took a nap that day so I could keep them up as late as possible. We were on the red eye flight. I wanted to make sure they both slept on the plane...no one wants to be around grumpy kids all day. Next came snacks...I prepped a lot of snacks! Too many actually, it ended up weighing me down and taking up valuable space in the backpack I carried.

The picture above shows the snacks I had after we got back. Next time I'm only going to bring fruit snacks, grapes, goldfish, and a protein bar for myself.  They slept on both plane rides which is usually their biggest snacking time when we travel. So I'll remember that for next time.

Next on our preparation list was to come up with places to go and see, things to do, etc. I really had to figure something out that wouldn't take up too much time since we had less than 10 hours in NYC itself.  After researching these were my options:

1.) Time Square
2.) Take the Staten Island ferry to get a break from walking and to see the Statue of Liberty. By doing it this way the ferry ride is FREE and we would have gotten a great view of the city and Statue of Liberty without having to stop. (This option takes up at least an hour, does not include time to get tickets and reboard).
3.) Central Park Zoo
4.) Highline Park
5.) American Museum of Natural History. This was my option if the weather turned bad and we needed a place to be inside.
6.) F.A.O. Schuartz, the big toy store with the big piano.

There was my list of places I could possibly take them in a short period of time and still feel like we got to see a lot of the city. I also checked the weather to make sure it wouldn't be snowing or raining. There was a small chance for rain so I made sure I brought an umbrella and coats. The coats weren't necessary either but they did provide us with pillows and extra coverage on the plane rides.

Getting around, I knew taking two young kids to NYC by myself was kind of nuts and I was trying to figure the best way to get around with them. So I borrowed a double stroller, a sit and stand one in hopes that it would make my life easier.

And all I packed was one extra pair of clothes for us all, just in case we didn't make it on the flight home or had potty accidents. Diaperes, wipes, Snacks, 2 small water bottles, an umbrella, children books, 2 small blankets, coats, my mai tai baby wrap, and the IPad. I forgot headphones and ended up having to buy some on the plane, ugh!

The Trip

The Airport to Midtown
I was relieved that my plan had worked the kids slept the whole plane ride and were well rested by the time we arrived. We flew into JFK airport qhich is on the outskirts of town. Getting into the city I would recommend taking the Long Island Rail Road to Penn Station. It was an additional $9.50 for myself, kids 4 and under are free. But this got me into the city in about 20-25 mins with only 1 other stop and with such limited time this was the best option. If you have more time definitely take the subway. I also recommend purchasing a Metro Card and putting at least $20-$30 on it. Make sure the Metro card is also good for the Airtran. This will save you some time and a little bit of money because it will be good on the subways in NYC and can also used to pay for your ride on the Airtran. The Airtran is the train system that takes you from the airport to the Jamacia Center were you will either get onto the E line for the subway system or get onto the Long Island RR.  I learned the hard way the subway only requires tickets for ages 5 and up. I bought 2 metro cards thinking my 3.5 year old would need it. It's a good thing I'm planning another trip back soon or I would be really bummed!

Getting a ticket for the LI RR you can either purchase at the kiosk or go down to the second floor and purchase it there. Then you'll have to go back up to the beginning to get onto the train. Once we were on the train since it was about 6am the morning traffic was pretty heavy with business commuters. But they were all so nice and helpful. Even the ticket collector on the train was super friendly and gave my children some fake tickets. It was great.

Penn Station will have you pop up around 35th and 7th Ave. It was so cool coming up and the first thing we see is the Empire State Building. And again since we got such an early start there was hardly anyone around. Now I also recommend this station because it does have an elevator which made my life so much easier getting the stroller out and up onto the streets.



Since we did arrive right in the heart of it all I decided why not start with Time Square. I knew there was a McDonald's right there so we went and had breakfast on the second floor of McDonald's and we were able to see everything. All the big screen TVs, the people, and so much more. It was a great way to start the day. We hung around there for a while then decided to head toward Central Park. I found 5th Ave which I knew would take me right were I wanted to go. Thankfully I had Google Maps to help me figure out which direction was which. Because unlike Utah NYC mountains of buildings had me all confused on which direction to take.



Once I got started in the right direction it was much easier to know my barrings. As we walked we came across Rockefeller Center. Not many stores were open since it was 8am by now but this one was so I figured I'd go in and see how long the wait time was to get to the Top of the Rock. There wasn't a wait time so we decided to go and since both kids were free I only had to pay the $29 for myself. This wasn't on my original list of things to do but I'm glad it became one. The kids loved it! They got to be up high and see all the cool buildings. My only problem was the stroller. I couldn't leave it anywhere and trying to haul that thing around while chasing children on a skyscraper was not very fun. So I just set it down in a corner and kept an eye on it while I enjoyed the views of the city with my children. This didn't last as long as I had hoped they did get a little bored after a while so we decided to go to the toy store next.

At F.A.O. Schuartz we were so busy looking at all the fun toys and cool set ups the time passed by quickly in here. We made our way to the big piano, which my 2 year old LOVED! My 3.5 year old not so much they put the Lego section right there next to it so he was distracted by the cool displays. Once we finally made our way out Central Park is literally right across the street. And the zoo was right there. We decided to have a break eat a hot dog from one of the vendors and rest. Well I rested while my children ran after pigeons and squirrels.

The Central Park Zoo is very small but still a lot of fun. What I loved most about it was seeing all these wild animals and then looking up and seeing all the skyscrapers. I think for myself it was $16 and for my son it was $11, my little girl was free. It was fun though not too many people were there so it was a nice quiet place where we got to see different animals. My favorite was the bird area. It's pretty cool, there are so many different types of birds and they are all so beautiful. It probably took us about 45 minutes to get through the zoo and by this time it was close to 12:30-1:00 in the afternoon.

So we ventured off into Central Park, this was my favorite thing we did. The weather was perfect, the leaves had all started changing and since it was a weekday it wasn't very crowded. We basically walked all over ended up getting a little lost but it was ok. It was ok because I had the stroller and the views were incredible! The kids loved it as well because they had spent about 20 minutes running around the big water fountain, Bethesda Fountain, so this gave them the quiet and down time to recover from all that stimulation. When we got lost I was looking for a subway entrance I wanted to make it over to Highline Park or to the Ferry. But since we got lost and also lost a lot of valuable time we headed toward Highline; it was closest to Penn Station.

By this time we had about 2 hours left before we needed to be back at the station to head toward the airport. So I attempted the subway...that experience did not go as planned. Both kids fell asleep, missed our stop, and when we needed to get out they had a small exit. There was no way I was able to get the stroller through that thing and even folded up we were too wide. I was so frustrated at this point. My energy was almost out and both kids were sleeping making it impossible to do anything. I had to wake up my poor son to have him help me. The stroller was no help with him sleeping because he is too big for the sitting part so his foot kept getting trapped under the stroller. All this time I was carrying my little girl in the baby carrier. I did find the park we were looking for but there were no elevators and there was no way I was going to attempt the stairs. Next time I'm definitely going to bring a double umbrella stroller, it would have folded up easier and both kids could have been sleeping in it, making it that much easier for me. Plus it would have been lighter making going up and down stairs easy. Since I was pretty much at my max, I walked 7 blocks back toward Penn Station and stopped at a pizza place right by it. This gave us a break and time to eat before going to the airport.

Since we had extra time to burn we took the E line back to the airport. The subway ride was much longer and seemed to take forever! But it was cheaper and very easy. Once at the airport we changed into our extra clothes took a baby wipe shower which felt great and very refreshing! It was nice having that down time before getting back on the plane I think it really made a difference and helped us all whine down enough to sleep on the way back.

Overview:

Overall the trip was incredible. We got to go see quite a bit in a short amount of time and many of the things on our list. My children had a blast! And we made a memory that I will forever hold dear to my heart. However there are only a few things I would have changed.

1) The stroller: it was big and bulky, which didn't work well in such a crowded place. Don't get me wrong I was so grateful for it because it did help and I would definitely still recommend bringing a stroller, just a different kind.

2.) Packing: I packed way too much! Making it that much harder on myself. I packed a toy backpack for my son that he never used. Then all the snacks! Too many snacks!

3.) A map: I would recommend bringing a map, Google Maps drained my phones battery super fast. Which was one reason I didn't do the ferry ride. No phone to take pictures with.

4.) Hand Sanitizer: my kids were picking up nasty things on the ground, trying to touch the birds, etc. The the whole day it seemed like their fingers were in their mouth. I went through half a pack of baby wipes trying to keep them somewhat clean. Hand sanitizer would have made my life so much better!

5.) This is for all you DoTerra fans I would have brought some oils to help keep us balanced, relaxed,  and protected from germs. Thankfully when we got home I put On Guard on all three of us and it really seemed to help eliminate our runny nose and cough.

5 Things I Loved About Paris

Now is the fun part. Now I get to share all the fun things I loved about Paris. This list was surprisingly harder to come up with than my previous list on the 5 things I hated about Paris. There were so many great things to do and see narrowing it down to just 5 was a challenge...however...challenge accepted!

Number 1: The architecture! Seriously every where I looked I was in awe. The entire city was beautiful. My favorite part of it all were the giant doors with a single doorknob usually it was a doorway into a garden area or a parking lot for an apartment complex. They were everywhere and each door had a unique doorknob it was one of my favorite things to look for as we explored. Wish I would have done a picture for each new one I saw. I loved it all because I just kept thinking how old these building truly were and all the history that they have witnessed as they were being built, tore down or restored. Not to mention most of it is just beautiful. The small designs and details that were put into these buildings, bridges, and doors was so neat to see.

Number 2: The ambiance of the city. No matter what time of day there was a sense of hussle and bussle. The cars were honking non stop, people where everywhere. I loved the street performers. They weren't like the ones in the states playing a guitar or singing. These people had violins, a Bass, even an orchestra quartet. The way the music sounded in the metro system was beautiful and it added to the feeling that we were in a movie. Even when we woke up early to go watch the sun rise, the city has this weird feeling about it almost a sense of respect. Respect because it's so much older than our country and so many events have taken place. It's that awe feeling that never leaves you as you walk through the streets no matter what time of day it is.

Number 3: Of course the landmarks, The reason why most people go to Paris, including myself, is to see the most well known landmarks in the world. Being able to go and see the Eiffel Tower, Notre Dame Cathedral, The Louvre, Arc de Triumph, and many more was so incredible! The most common question I have been asked was what was my favorite place to see. I loved seeing the Notre dame, being able to go up to the top of the tower was so cool. Seeing the worn down stairs and knowing that it takes many many years for that type of stone to wear down like that is incredible. I also really enjoyed Versallies, it was the same feeling of being in a place where royalty and so many other important people in history have walked. To think about their stories, especially all the untold stories is what fascinated me the most. I couldn't help but think of Jane Austin's book, Pride and Prejudice. I know the setting is in England but I still thought back to that time frame and how different life would have been.

Number 4:  The art work. There is art work everywhere. I loved being able to see the different styles as the centuries passed. It gave me a sense and a small window into the life of what life was like for people back in that time frame. I also enjoyed seeing all the art work of the naked ladies...not like that you perverts! The reason I liked it is because all the women looked happy and healthy. None of them had a perfect size 2 body with big boobs or the flat stomach with a 6 pack of abs. It was inspiring because it helped me to appreciate my body more, which is always great to find more ways to do that. The other art work I loved was all the art work on the ceilings. The masterpieces that have been created are incredible and to think most of them have been able to stay in their original form without having to be updated or modified.

Number 5: This one may be cheesy and I know I have done a lot of complaining on how much we fought but the best part about Paris was who I got to see it with, my husband. I honestly don't think I would have had that great of a time if I was with anyone else. This trip provided us with many opportunities to become closer. I'll share my favorite memory one that I will think of each time this song plays. I found a music box with the song in an old Audrey Hepburn movie, I can't think of the name but we bought it and I still had it in my purse. That night we went to the Eiffel Tower and waited until the lights turned on and they started to sparkle! When they started to sparkle we turned that music box on listened to the music as we hugged each other closer and danced. Talk about being in a movie. It was perfect. At that moment we weren't fighting, we weren't even talking to one another. We were just enjoying each other's company and watching the Eiffel Tower sparkle. It was the most romantic moment we had and one that only could have happened there, with him. I will never forget that and Paris definitely wouldn't have been the same with out him.

Halloween! DIY Halloween Costume

Who doesn't love a good Halloween costume? I know I sure do and I start getting excited about it a few months in advanced. This past week I finally decided what my little girl was going to be. She is obsessed with the movie the Croods. Her personality matches Sandy, the baby girl, from the movie so I decided to make her costume.

Sandy from the Croods:

I wasn't sure how much fabric I needed but I brought my little girl to the store we measured her around and her height. She is a two year old and pretty small so I got about 3/4 a yard of fabric. Trying to get her to lay down to measure her was not going to work, she put up a big fight. So I took a tank top and marked only one shoulder, the neck line, and the underarm line. I figure it's a cavegirl costume so it doesn't have to be exact.

next I cut out one side, made it a little bigger to make sure it wrapped around her and enough to make sure I could sew it together with a little slack. Then I used that one as the pattern for the other side...only mistake I made was I forgot to flip the pattern so that the shoulder strap would be on the same side.

Then I sewed the two pieces together and added a button on the back of the strap since it's a little tight to get over her head. the button allows her to step in without ripping it. I just did a quick stitch by hand for the button and a slit in the fabric reinforced at the edges again with a simple cross stitch.

Then the costume has a little foot paw on the bottom. I didn't want to sew anything else on. I wanted it to be easy, so I bough a pair of two iron on elbow patches. one I used at the base and then I cut out small circles as the finger pads. I didn't iron on since it was a faux fur and didn't know if it would be ruined so I just used fabric glue.

For the accessories I bought fishing bait, it smelled awesome...ok not really it was nasty! I had to wash with dish soap and then boil them. They still smell but they look perfect and we were able to stick a wire through it and now I can manipulate it to look the way I want it to in her hair. Then I just added boots she already had.


Outcome:

5 Things I hated about Paris France

I know what you're probably thinking, how could anyone find things to hate about Paris...it's Paris for goodness sake. Well I did and it was surprisingly easy after being there for 8 days I came to know what things I appreciated and others that I really could have done without.

Number 1: I hated that they didn't take American credit cards. I know that's a minimal thing and there are ways around it but it was frustrating not to be able to buy metro tickets and HAVE to get money exchanged to get anywhere into the city from the airport. The only places that did take American credit cards were the major landmarks and the stores inside. Some but not all restaurants did accept them but on most occasions we had to pay in cash. Which for me makes me uncomfortable. They have warning signs every where to be aware of pick pocketers and to be cautious of your belongings. So having to have euros on me at all times was kind of annoying more than anything...it didn't ruin our trip but it was a pain in the ass!

Number 2:  The smell of Paris, there is a mixture of fresh coffee, piss, and cigarette smoke all around. It was beyond disgusting! I know it's a big city and it wasn't a constant stench but there were times I almost threw up in my mouth the smell was so gross. And I don't know if it's a type of cigarette or a type of cologne but the men had a certain smell to them too. I thought it was just me until Jesse started talking about it and asking me if I smelled it too. It's not a gross smell but after 8 days it was kind of like being in Abercrombie and Fitch stores for too long, makes you kind of woozy and gives you a headache.

Number 3: The smokers, literally everyone was smoking, even young teenagers. I think we walked passed what could be a Jr. High and the students were out taking a smoke break! We couldn't enjoy the outdoor patio dining experience either because everyone out there had a cigarette lit. I'm just thankful they didn't allow smoking inside or we would have been picnicking the entire time.

Number 4: The damn street vendors! OMG! People aren't joking when they say the vendors are pushing and literally littering the landmarks. Only perk is if you want a cheap key chain they really do have the best deal. Most stores are trying to sell you the same crappy one for 2 euros and the vendors are selling 5 for 1 euro. But after a while they just became annoying. At one point during our trip one of the many times we my husband and I were arguing one of them tried to get me to buy stuff and I told them no...he kept pushing me until I got pissed. Then he told me to F-off which got Jesse pissed. So there we were Jesse surrounded by 5 vendor guys about to get into a fight...thankfully one of the guys was reasonable and got his friends to back off. But seriously...no means NO!

Number 5: This was at no fault of the Parisians and it's only me to blame but I hated the language barrier. I know this may sound petty after all I did go into a foreign country what else would I expect, right? Well I hated that I didn't prep more and that I was stuck trying to figure out the small words I did understand. It felt like it really limited where we could go and explore. Eating out was a small victory in itself and shopping...well lets just say I'm glad there are pictures and price tags everywhere. This was the first time I had been put in this position and I've got to say I didn't enjoy it. I felt very uneasy and almost less than the french because I couldn't speak their language. It was amazing that so many people are bi-lingual and some tri-lingual. It made me wish they encouraged a second language more in our education system. I probably would have felt a little more confident being in such a new place.

So those were the 5 things I came up with. Which I don't think is too bad, considering we were there for a week. Now if I really wanted to get picky I would but I don't think it's necessary considering how much fun we truly did have and all the great memories we made.

Routine

This week my goal has been to be more strict on my routine. I have been changing my sleeping patterns so instead of going to sleep at 1am and waking up at 9am and I focusing on going to bed no later than 10pm and waking up around 6am. I figure my previous sleep pattern was what was causing so much problems for me and my lack of motivation. I was just too tired. I would stay up late watching tv and then by the time I woke up the morning would practically be over. I've stuck with it and have been feeling pretty good. I hope that I can continue this routine and keep my energy levels up. No more excuses!

L

Why Dating is Important After Kids

My husband and I were blessed to go on a 8 day trip to Paris, France. This trip was a dream come true for me and I was thrilled to be going. Yet at the same time I was extremely sad. I was leaving my children behind for the first time since they were born. My son will be 4 in January and my daughter is 2. They were in great hands and I didn't worry about them as much as I missed them. So on this trip it was just my husband and I. Now we have recently been trying to take more dates and to spend more time alone together in general so this trip was a big deal for us.

Paris is supposed to be this big romantic place where lovers go to keep the fire burning. Well for my husband and I this trip was indeed a wonderful trip filled with many great memories. However, the only downside was is that it has been 4 years since we have spent that much time alone together. Four years is a long time. We have both grown during that time and not always together. My husband is at work 3/4 of the day and I'm at home 90% of the time the other I'm working from home. During all that time we never really took the time to grow together. Because of this we basically fought the entire time on the trip. I take that back that not the entire time because we truly did have some great times but throughout the day it was like a freaking emotional roller coaster. One minute we were happy and laughing then the next we were fighting and not talking to each other. This continued for seven...I repeat 7 days! It wasn't until the last day that we realized why we were having such a difficult time being alone together and why we were butting heads so much.

We realized that this was just like when my husband would come home from a deployment. He would be gone for a year at a time and we would each get into our own lives and our own groves. When he would return each time it took at least a month or two for us to really start working together in sync. We may not have experienced a deployment but we have grown individually and have been in our own groves for so long that we didn't know how to interact with each other alone. Once we realized this it made perfect sense as to why we were struggling so much. We are two leaders and in our own lives we each are the leaders not having to report back to anyone. So to work together as a team was a difficult challenge.

Looking back on the past 4 years we really haven't taken the time to grow together as a couple. We have grown as a family and have really shown our children the core values of what a family is. But along the way we lost track of nurturing our relationship as a couple. There was always excuses, mainly the fact that my daughter had severe separation anxiety making it difficult for me to leave her. Now that they are older we are trying to basically start over and grow together as a couple and not only as a family. I didn't realize how important dating after having kids was until I took this amazing trip and realized I didn't know how to be alone with my husband anymore. The ups and downs could have all been avoided if we have taken more time to talk with one another and really learn more about the people we have become since having children. I know that for me I have drastically changed since having kids. My outlook on life and many other important topics has shifted. I can see the same has happened with my husband. It was nice to have that wake up call in Paris of all places. Now we understand that we need to really make the effort to get to know each other because thankfully it was only 4 years of  not nurturing our marriage as opposed to 20 years when the house is empty and we really have nothing to say to each other. Now we can focus on the good and make an effort to take that time to keep the foundation of our family strong.

L

One Step at a Time

It's amazing how one simple choice can make things get started. My goal to workout for 30 mins and not drink has not gone so well...to say the least I have hardly done anything and I have drank almost every night. Not a lot just one or two but still I haven't kept my goal and it was really starting to make me upset with myself. Today, I decided to take at least a 20 minute walk on my treadmill in between a short break from work. I started walking and then I figured what the hell why not start running. It felt so good to run again...even though my ass was jiggling like jello...it felt great! After my walk/run I even did 3 sets of squats with a 20 lb kettlebell. I love that one small choice made it where I ended up feeling so much better and gives me a good enough high to want to do it some more tomorrow.  I'm excited that this one step has gotten the ball rolling again.

The other step I took was venting and getting all my feelings out about possibly losing a friendship.After venting about it I feel so much better and I don't feel as bitter about it all.  Now I can move past it and stop being depressed about it all.

Baby steps it's amazing how one step makes a big difference.

Lisa

I'm Getting Too Comfortable

Do you find that being lazy is sometimes just too comfortable. For me being lazy is something I do daily; trying to wake up in the morning and hitting the snooze button at least three times (..remember I told you I'm not a morning person). When on the other hand when I'm motivated or have a goal it's easy to wake up after the alarm first goes off. The difference between the lazy feeling and the motivated feeling in this scenario is that while yes it does feel nice and comfortable to lay in bed for just a few more minutes it feels even better once the energy you get after finally waking up kicks in and you can start your day...I always ask myself why it took so long to wake up when I feel this good.  I was just too comfortable in my bed where I was nice and warm I don't have to get up to make breakfast and get my day started. It's so easy for me to come up with excuses on why I should get just a few more minutes of sleep. Too bad I can't just be awake and ready to start the day instead I battle with this daily and end up wasting a good 30-45 minutes of my morning.

This is similar to how I feel about working out. When I get too comfortable with my routine, my "laziness" I find that I hit my snooze button on working out. But my snooze button isn't just 5 minutes it's a full day. I tell myself, "I'll start tomorrow, today I'll get some rest, drinks lots of water, and be ready to go...tomorrow!"  Unfortunately one day turns into a full week and then a full week turns to two and so on. It's a hard cycle to break and when I finally do I always ask myself why it took so long, because I always feel so much better when I am staying active and working out. My clothes feel better on me, I'm much more confident, and I have more energy.

It's getting started that's my problem. I get too comfortable and I find that I put up barriers or walls that stop my from seeing the path I need to take. These barriers are my excuses and my laziness for putting it off one more day. I find that it overwhelms me to think about how many barriers I have to go through just to get where I want...so how do I get out of these ruts. The first thing is to think of reachable goals. These goals allow me to start knocking down my false barriers one by one. a wake up call where I realize that I've been stuck in my same lazy rut  for too long and it's time that I change my attitude and to tell myself that I am not going to let this get the best of me. My reachable goals for the next 2 weeks will be:
1) I am going to pick up my weight program that was created for me
2.) Commit to being active for 30 mins a day plus the weights.
3.) To only drink water for the next 2 weeks (with the exception of my husband's birthday).

I feel that these goals are within reach and will help me knock down the biggest barrier of all...starting the routine. Once I have that first wall torn down I can see the pathway ahead of me and all the wonderful possibilities. I'll start on my goals today and I will even post my pictures up to keep me accountable for maintaining my goals week by week.

It's time I get comfortable in my skin again. No more Excuses!

 Lisa

The Things We Do For Our Children

How many times a week do you catch yourself saying this phrase, "The things we do for our children."? I find myself saying it all the time and for the littlest things. For example putting a smiley face of ketchup on their plate to pray that it helps them actually eat their food. My children are 3 and 2 as most parents understand it's like a constant guessing game on whether or not something is going to please your children. Even though I may not be 100% sure if what Iam going to do will equal my child's happiness I still try in the hopes that I will get that one small hug or smile that tells me I am the coolest people ever....which I am.

My moment of "the things I do for my children" today was at 4am...yes you heard me 4am...ugh! Let me first tell you that I am not, I repeat, not a morning person! So to have me wake up at 4am is a pretty big deal. Today is my little girls 2nd birthday I have a tradition where I decorate their bedroom door with streamers and balloons. Last night I guess I was a little more tired than I thought and ended up falling asleep before I could complete my tradition. When I woke up this morning I strongly debated on just staying in bed and not doing it. I kept telling myself she's only 2 it's not like she's going to really remember any of it anyways. Then I started thinking about her face and how excited she's going to be when she wakes up. So I dragged my butt out of bed and decorated her door with streamers and balloons. I even got her present ready...which I was just going to leave in the shopping bag it came in...my poor second child. The whole time I was thinking, "Man the things we do for our children.". Once I had it completed, her door was decorated and her present ready, I realized that it's not just for our children that we do these things. By making this effort and giving my child a small tradition for her birthdays I'm creating something more for her and for me. It's the memories I'm going to cherish and take with me throughout this life. The memories of how it made them feel and how I felt seeing their happiness. That is why I do all those random things that leave me shaking my head wondering why I am even doing some of these ridiculous things. It's simple really, I get pure joy from seeing their little faces light up. My heart feels so full that when I get their little hugs and kisses telling me thank you I almost cry because I'm so happy. Those little things or silly things we do for our children are not so much for them but it's for our happiness too.


I think these moments of joy are so good for a person's soul. I know that when I get those happy endorphin's released into my body all the feelings of stress and depression are taken away. I am instantly happy and it's no wonder why we enjoy providing those moments for our children. It also gives my kids the happy endorphin's too and I know that for them it's extremely beneficial to receive them. Now I could go all scientific on the topic and describe how these endorphin's are good for you and a child's development and how there are so many healthy benefits for both but I won't bore you with those details. I think it is a natural desire to create moments where we feel such joy, to receive that natural high. Even though there is a possibility that the moments will lead to a complete melt down or even possibly my most embarrassing moment I am willing to take that risk. I think it's important in my life that with so much bad going on in the world to create something small my children will be able to take with them throughout their lives.

The other thought I had with the quote, "The things we do for our children" is that I think too many parents are trying too hard to please their children. Honestly why is it that we feel that we have to compete with one another in such a big way that we end up drowning out the real reasoning behind our actions. Aren't parents supposed to be doing this for their children? Not to show up another parent or child. When it becomes a competition I believe it ends up doing more harm then good. Parents stress levels are increased which tend to lead to grumpy parents. And we all know who gets the brunt of our grumpy emotions; either the children or our spouses. How is this creating something wonderful? I think we need to decrease the competition (thanks pinterest) and start focusing on the small things we can do for our children. I know my children appreciate it more when I take time out to play or read them stories. I'm becoming a little preachy and off topic I'll stop...the whole point of this thought is that I strongly feel our mental happiness is in direct relation to our physical happiness. The more we stress over unnecessary things the harder it is for our bodies to work properly. I'm not saying I'm perfect at this, I have a very strong temper and I can overreact at times. But it is a goal that I work on all the time in order to help keep me healthy. And if I have to shake my head over the silly things I'm doing for my children then I'll know I'm doing something right, not just for them but for myself as well.