My husband and I were blessed to go on a 8 day trip to Paris, France. This trip was a dream come true for me and I was thrilled to be going. Yet at the same time I was extremely sad. I was leaving my children behind for the first time since they were born. My son will be 4 in January and my daughter is 2. They were in great hands and I didn't worry about them as much as I missed them. So on this trip it was just my husband and I. Now we have recently been trying to take more dates and to spend more time alone together in general so this trip was a big deal for us.
Paris is supposed to be this big romantic place where lovers go to keep the fire burning. Well for my husband and I this trip was indeed a wonderful trip filled with many great memories. However, the only downside was is that it has been 4 years since we have spent that much time alone together. Four years is a long time. We have both grown during that time and not always together. My husband is at work 3/4 of the day and I'm at home 90% of the time the other I'm working from home. During all that time we never really took the time to grow together. Because of this we basically fought the entire time on the trip. I take that back that not the entire time because we truly did have some great times but throughout the day it was like a freaking emotional roller coaster. One minute we were happy and laughing then the next we were fighting and not talking to each other. This continued for seven...I repeat 7 days! It wasn't until the last day that we realized why we were having such a difficult time being alone together and why we were butting heads so much.
We realized that this was just like when my husband would come home from a deployment. He would be gone for a year at a time and we would each get into our own lives and our own groves. When he would return each time it took at least a month or two for us to really start working together in sync. We may not have experienced a deployment but we have grown individually and have been in our own groves for so long that we didn't know how to interact with each other alone. Once we realized this it made perfect sense as to why we were struggling so much. We are two leaders and in our own lives we each are the leaders not having to report back to anyone. So to work together as a team was a difficult challenge.
Looking back on the past 4 years we really haven't taken the time to grow together as a couple. We have grown as a family and have really shown our children the core values of what a family is. But along the way we lost track of nurturing our relationship as a couple. There was always excuses, mainly the fact that my daughter had severe separation anxiety making it difficult for me to leave her. Now that they are older we are trying to basically start over and grow together as a couple and not only as a family. I didn't realize how important dating after having kids was until I took this amazing trip and realized I didn't know how to be alone with my husband anymore. The ups and downs could have all been avoided if we have taken more time to talk with one another and really learn more about the people we have become since having children. I know that for me I have drastically changed since having kids. My outlook on life and many other important topics has shifted. I can see the same has happened with my husband. It was nice to have that wake up call in Paris of all places. Now we understand that we need to really make the effort to get to know each other because thankfully it was only 4 years of not nurturing our marriage as opposed to 20 years when the house is empty and we really have nothing to say to each other. Now we can focus on the good and make an effort to take that time to keep the foundation of our family strong.
L
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