The Neverending Mommy Guilt

Mommy guilt, the feelings every mother has experienced at one time or another. This guilt is something that pushes us to be better or it can even have the opposite effect and push us into a deeper depression. For all you mom's listen well this is a realization that some mom's have already figured out. It's something that I came to learn and understand almost 2 years ago. Once I had this clarification and accepted it I don't have this guilty feeling quite as often.

My first realization was when I thought my mommy guilt came all from me and my expectations of how good of a job I feel I'm doing as a mother. Little did I know that there are other culprits that feed my guilt. The major culprit that I find in my life is my husband. Now don't get me wrong he is a wonderful husband and father. He works very hard and sacrifices so much to provide us with a wonderful life; but on the occassion when he comes home and mentions the house smells or it's not clean.  That's when I start second guessing myself. I'm sitting there thinking...well, I just vacuumed, swept the floor, took the trash out, etc. but then both kids decided to color on the walls, the dogs or the cat threw up sometimes both, or the kids decided to dump every single toy they have on the ground. Do I really need to go back and do it all over again...NO WAY! Instead of stressing myself out by the mess I am going to take the time and spend it with my children. I don't know if men truly understand that we really don't just sit on our asses all day or sleep all day. Once I realized that he was feeding my guilt I chose to change my attitude. It's not me that is doing a bad job. Of course I still make mistakes, this parenting stuff is no joke...well unless it involves getting pooped or peed on. I'm choosing each day to spend some time cleaning but the rest I am going to spend with my children...isn't that why I'm a stay at home mom anyways?  Not to slave over the house but to be there for my children to make sure that they are well taken care of. Once I realized this I look at my dirty dishes and think, "hm, what have I done today to make sure my children feel special or loved" When I know the answer I dont even worry about the dirty dishes. I know the dishes are just fine waiting another hour or so before they get put up.

 I know though that I'm doing my best and that my children really don't care if the dishes are dirty. They would rather me play peek a boo or help them with puzzles than spend my entire day cleaning. I just wish my husband could appreciate that a little more but I know he's not here most of the time so he doesn't get to see the big picture and for that I can't be too hard on him. All I can do is try to help him see that my spending time with the children is going to be more memorable than
anything.

Another not so surprising culprit is other moms...my goodness am I competitive and I like to compare myself to other women.  I know that's bad for me to do since it usually makes me feel pretty lousy about myself but I can't seem to help it. I'm working right now on not comparing myself to others. It was something I practiced while being pregnant. Since not all pregnant women look the same, I knew I couldn't compare myself to a girl who was a size 0 before because that's just not me. Just like I can't compare myself to a working mom, I'm not a working mom and my responsibilities are different than hers. It's a tough challenge because there are some incredible women out there who seem like they truly can do it all. But I look at those moms, the ones who are actually dressed and ready for the day by 8am. Or those mom's who don't yell or the ones with the perfectly clean homes. After I realized most my mommy guilt was coming from comparing myself to other moms I realized I had to change my attitude about them as well. Now I look at them differently too. I think about all the stress and guilt they must put on themselves. I don't need to add more for them so I try my best to be nothing but encouraging and positive toward other moms. Because in all honesty who knows if she's at her wits end or just needs to know she's  not failing as a mother. The judgemental looks from other mothers are the worst! And they truly shock me I wonder if they have the parent brain going on that helped them forget what it was like to have young children.  I'd rather have a sympothy look or smile then one of cruel judgement.

So for all you moms out there, start rethinking about your expectations and think about why you're so hard on yourself. Your children are only young for a little while and while they are remember, they want nothing more but your attention, approval, comfort and love. Please realize that you're doing an amazing job and no one else should ever tell you other wise..of course there are always exceptions to that but that topic can be saved for another day.  In the mean time go give your babies a big hug and kiss and remember to spend a little extra time with them. They grow up too fast.

Day Trip to New York City With My Kids

As I was preparing for our trip I didn't realize just how crazy I was in even trying to attempt this. I work for an airline so I get to fly free as standby which makes most of our trips possible. So last week I looked and I saw that the flights were wide open and there would be zero problems getting on the flight or seats next to one another. Now again if you're new to the blog, my children are 2 years old and 3.5 years old. So making sure that they aren't being sat by some weirdo is a major concern of mine while traveling. I only had 1 day open to make this trip so I figured what the hell, lets try it!

Preparation:
The preparation was a big part in making sure that this plan went smoothly. I made sure both my kids took a nap that day so I could keep them up as late as possible. We were on the red eye flight. I wanted to make sure they both slept on the plane...no one wants to be around grumpy kids all day. Next came snacks...I prepped a lot of snacks! Too many actually, it ended up weighing me down and taking up valuable space in the backpack I carried.

The picture above shows the snacks I had after we got back. Next time I'm only going to bring fruit snacks, grapes, goldfish, and a protein bar for myself.  They slept on both plane rides which is usually their biggest snacking time when we travel. So I'll remember that for next time.

Next on our preparation list was to come up with places to go and see, things to do, etc. I really had to figure something out that wouldn't take up too much time since we had less than 10 hours in NYC itself.  After researching these were my options:

1.) Time Square
2.) Take the Staten Island ferry to get a break from walking and to see the Statue of Liberty. By doing it this way the ferry ride is FREE and we would have gotten a great view of the city and Statue of Liberty without having to stop. (This option takes up at least an hour, does not include time to get tickets and reboard).
3.) Central Park Zoo
4.) Highline Park
5.) American Museum of Natural History. This was my option if the weather turned bad and we needed a place to be inside.
6.) F.A.O. Schuartz, the big toy store with the big piano.

There was my list of places I could possibly take them in a short period of time and still feel like we got to see a lot of the city. I also checked the weather to make sure it wouldn't be snowing or raining. There was a small chance for rain so I made sure I brought an umbrella and coats. The coats weren't necessary either but they did provide us with pillows and extra coverage on the plane rides.

Getting around, I knew taking two young kids to NYC by myself was kind of nuts and I was trying to figure the best way to get around with them. So I borrowed a double stroller, a sit and stand one in hopes that it would make my life easier.

And all I packed was one extra pair of clothes for us all, just in case we didn't make it on the flight home or had potty accidents. Diaperes, wipes, Snacks, 2 small water bottles, an umbrella, children books, 2 small blankets, coats, my mai tai baby wrap, and the IPad. I forgot headphones and ended up having to buy some on the plane, ugh!

The Trip

The Airport to Midtown
I was relieved that my plan had worked the kids slept the whole plane ride and were well rested by the time we arrived. We flew into JFK airport qhich is on the outskirts of town. Getting into the city I would recommend taking the Long Island Rail Road to Penn Station. It was an additional $9.50 for myself, kids 4 and under are free. But this got me into the city in about 20-25 mins with only 1 other stop and with such limited time this was the best option. If you have more time definitely take the subway. I also recommend purchasing a Metro Card and putting at least $20-$30 on it. Make sure the Metro card is also good for the Airtran. This will save you some time and a little bit of money because it will be good on the subways in NYC and can also used to pay for your ride on the Airtran. The Airtran is the train system that takes you from the airport to the Jamacia Center were you will either get onto the E line for the subway system or get onto the Long Island RR.  I learned the hard way the subway only requires tickets for ages 5 and up. I bought 2 metro cards thinking my 3.5 year old would need it. It's a good thing I'm planning another trip back soon or I would be really bummed!

Getting a ticket for the LI RR you can either purchase at the kiosk or go down to the second floor and purchase it there. Then you'll have to go back up to the beginning to get onto the train. Once we were on the train since it was about 6am the morning traffic was pretty heavy with business commuters. But they were all so nice and helpful. Even the ticket collector on the train was super friendly and gave my children some fake tickets. It was great.

Penn Station will have you pop up around 35th and 7th Ave. It was so cool coming up and the first thing we see is the Empire State Building. And again since we got such an early start there was hardly anyone around. Now I also recommend this station because it does have an elevator which made my life so much easier getting the stroller out and up onto the streets.



Since we did arrive right in the heart of it all I decided why not start with Time Square. I knew there was a McDonald's right there so we went and had breakfast on the second floor of McDonald's and we were able to see everything. All the big screen TVs, the people, and so much more. It was a great way to start the day. We hung around there for a while then decided to head toward Central Park. I found 5th Ave which I knew would take me right were I wanted to go. Thankfully I had Google Maps to help me figure out which direction was which. Because unlike Utah NYC mountains of buildings had me all confused on which direction to take.



Once I got started in the right direction it was much easier to know my barrings. As we walked we came across Rockefeller Center. Not many stores were open since it was 8am by now but this one was so I figured I'd go in and see how long the wait time was to get to the Top of the Rock. There wasn't a wait time so we decided to go and since both kids were free I only had to pay the $29 for myself. This wasn't on my original list of things to do but I'm glad it became one. The kids loved it! They got to be up high and see all the cool buildings. My only problem was the stroller. I couldn't leave it anywhere and trying to haul that thing around while chasing children on a skyscraper was not very fun. So I just set it down in a corner and kept an eye on it while I enjoyed the views of the city with my children. This didn't last as long as I had hoped they did get a little bored after a while so we decided to go to the toy store next.

At F.A.O. Schuartz we were so busy looking at all the fun toys and cool set ups the time passed by quickly in here. We made our way to the big piano, which my 2 year old LOVED! My 3.5 year old not so much they put the Lego section right there next to it so he was distracted by the cool displays. Once we finally made our way out Central Park is literally right across the street. And the zoo was right there. We decided to have a break eat a hot dog from one of the vendors and rest. Well I rested while my children ran after pigeons and squirrels.

The Central Park Zoo is very small but still a lot of fun. What I loved most about it was seeing all these wild animals and then looking up and seeing all the skyscrapers. I think for myself it was $16 and for my son it was $11, my little girl was free. It was fun though not too many people were there so it was a nice quiet place where we got to see different animals. My favorite was the bird area. It's pretty cool, there are so many different types of birds and they are all so beautiful. It probably took us about 45 minutes to get through the zoo and by this time it was close to 12:30-1:00 in the afternoon.

So we ventured off into Central Park, this was my favorite thing we did. The weather was perfect, the leaves had all started changing and since it was a weekday it wasn't very crowded. We basically walked all over ended up getting a little lost but it was ok. It was ok because I had the stroller and the views were incredible! The kids loved it as well because they had spent about 20 minutes running around the big water fountain, Bethesda Fountain, so this gave them the quiet and down time to recover from all that stimulation. When we got lost I was looking for a subway entrance I wanted to make it over to Highline Park or to the Ferry. But since we got lost and also lost a lot of valuable time we headed toward Highline; it was closest to Penn Station.

By this time we had about 2 hours left before we needed to be back at the station to head toward the airport. So I attempted the subway...that experience did not go as planned. Both kids fell asleep, missed our stop, and when we needed to get out they had a small exit. There was no way I was able to get the stroller through that thing and even folded up we were too wide. I was so frustrated at this point. My energy was almost out and both kids were sleeping making it impossible to do anything. I had to wake up my poor son to have him help me. The stroller was no help with him sleeping because he is too big for the sitting part so his foot kept getting trapped under the stroller. All this time I was carrying my little girl in the baby carrier. I did find the park we were looking for but there were no elevators and there was no way I was going to attempt the stairs. Next time I'm definitely going to bring a double umbrella stroller, it would have folded up easier and both kids could have been sleeping in it, making it that much easier for me. Plus it would have been lighter making going up and down stairs easy. Since I was pretty much at my max, I walked 7 blocks back toward Penn Station and stopped at a pizza place right by it. This gave us a break and time to eat before going to the airport.

Since we had extra time to burn we took the E line back to the airport. The subway ride was much longer and seemed to take forever! But it was cheaper and very easy. Once at the airport we changed into our extra clothes took a baby wipe shower which felt great and very refreshing! It was nice having that down time before getting back on the plane I think it really made a difference and helped us all whine down enough to sleep on the way back.

Overview:

Overall the trip was incredible. We got to go see quite a bit in a short amount of time and many of the things on our list. My children had a blast! And we made a memory that I will forever hold dear to my heart. However there are only a few things I would have changed.

1) The stroller: it was big and bulky, which didn't work well in such a crowded place. Don't get me wrong I was so grateful for it because it did help and I would definitely still recommend bringing a stroller, just a different kind.

2.) Packing: I packed way too much! Making it that much harder on myself. I packed a toy backpack for my son that he never used. Then all the snacks! Too many snacks!

3.) A map: I would recommend bringing a map, Google Maps drained my phones battery super fast. Which was one reason I didn't do the ferry ride. No phone to take pictures with.

4.) Hand Sanitizer: my kids were picking up nasty things on the ground, trying to touch the birds, etc. The the whole day it seemed like their fingers were in their mouth. I went through half a pack of baby wipes trying to keep them somewhat clean. Hand sanitizer would have made my life so much better!

5.) This is for all you DoTerra fans I would have brought some oils to help keep us balanced, relaxed,  and protected from germs. Thankfully when we got home I put On Guard on all three of us and it really seemed to help eliminate our runny nose and cough.

5 Things I Loved About Paris

Now is the fun part. Now I get to share all the fun things I loved about Paris. This list was surprisingly harder to come up with than my previous list on the 5 things I hated about Paris. There were so many great things to do and see narrowing it down to just 5 was a challenge...however...challenge accepted!

Number 1: The architecture! Seriously every where I looked I was in awe. The entire city was beautiful. My favorite part of it all were the giant doors with a single doorknob usually it was a doorway into a garden area or a parking lot for an apartment complex. They were everywhere and each door had a unique doorknob it was one of my favorite things to look for as we explored. Wish I would have done a picture for each new one I saw. I loved it all because I just kept thinking how old these building truly were and all the history that they have witnessed as they were being built, tore down or restored. Not to mention most of it is just beautiful. The small designs and details that were put into these buildings, bridges, and doors was so neat to see.

Number 2: The ambiance of the city. No matter what time of day there was a sense of hussle and bussle. The cars were honking non stop, people where everywhere. I loved the street performers. They weren't like the ones in the states playing a guitar or singing. These people had violins, a Bass, even an orchestra quartet. The way the music sounded in the metro system was beautiful and it added to the feeling that we were in a movie. Even when we woke up early to go watch the sun rise, the city has this weird feeling about it almost a sense of respect. Respect because it's so much older than our country and so many events have taken place. It's that awe feeling that never leaves you as you walk through the streets no matter what time of day it is.

Number 3: Of course the landmarks, The reason why most people go to Paris, including myself, is to see the most well known landmarks in the world. Being able to go and see the Eiffel Tower, Notre Dame Cathedral, The Louvre, Arc de Triumph, and many more was so incredible! The most common question I have been asked was what was my favorite place to see. I loved seeing the Notre dame, being able to go up to the top of the tower was so cool. Seeing the worn down stairs and knowing that it takes many many years for that type of stone to wear down like that is incredible. I also really enjoyed Versallies, it was the same feeling of being in a place where royalty and so many other important people in history have walked. To think about their stories, especially all the untold stories is what fascinated me the most. I couldn't help but think of Jane Austin's book, Pride and Prejudice. I know the setting is in England but I still thought back to that time frame and how different life would have been.

Number 4:  The art work. There is art work everywhere. I loved being able to see the different styles as the centuries passed. It gave me a sense and a small window into the life of what life was like for people back in that time frame. I also enjoyed seeing all the art work of the naked ladies...not like that you perverts! The reason I liked it is because all the women looked happy and healthy. None of them had a perfect size 2 body with big boobs or the flat stomach with a 6 pack of abs. It was inspiring because it helped me to appreciate my body more, which is always great to find more ways to do that. The other art work I loved was all the art work on the ceilings. The masterpieces that have been created are incredible and to think most of them have been able to stay in their original form without having to be updated or modified.

Number 5: This one may be cheesy and I know I have done a lot of complaining on how much we fought but the best part about Paris was who I got to see it with, my husband. I honestly don't think I would have had that great of a time if I was with anyone else. This trip provided us with many opportunities to become closer. I'll share my favorite memory one that I will think of each time this song plays. I found a music box with the song in an old Audrey Hepburn movie, I can't think of the name but we bought it and I still had it in my purse. That night we went to the Eiffel Tower and waited until the lights turned on and they started to sparkle! When they started to sparkle we turned that music box on listened to the music as we hugged each other closer and danced. Talk about being in a movie. It was perfect. At that moment we weren't fighting, we weren't even talking to one another. We were just enjoying each other's company and watching the Eiffel Tower sparkle. It was the most romantic moment we had and one that only could have happened there, with him. I will never forget that and Paris definitely wouldn't have been the same with out him.