Weight lose vs happiness: Losing the battle

Well fuck this!  I've been doing so good and then christmas happened now it's been 2 weeks since my last workout and I've eaten like complete shit. Each time I put something bad in my mouth I tried to justify it as enjoying the holidays.  I enjoyed them alright but there was no balance.  Now I'm even more disappointed in myself and I feel even worse in my skin.  So fuck it! 

I hate feeling this way,  I hate getting off track.  I'm to the point now where I'm just pissed at myself. I need something more,  a better plan to help me find that balance between the battle of Losing weight and my happiness.  Because right now I'm definitely losing. I'm at a loss as to what to do but I'll figure something out...I hope.

I wish I was one of those lucky people who could have a personal chef and a trainer. Seriously a month or two of that would be amazing and would get back in the habit of eating good and working out.  But I know that's a far fetched option so my only option is for me to stop wasting time and get my ass in grear.  Why if I've already lost 30lbs once am I struggling to get started again. I know how great I felt when I was in shape I thought it would be enough motivation but I guess I was wrong.  Maybe this time I need a little more of a support system and not just myself. we will see I'm going to have it figured out in the next 2 days so I can start 2015 off right. 

Big Changes Require Small Steps

Like many things in life, big changes require small steps. I thought I could handle jumping in head first into clean eating. Well it has been more of a challenge than I expected. Thankfully though I haven't let my mess ups stop me from making small improvements each day. The first day was horrible, I think I had 2 glasses of wine, pizza, pumpkin pie, and chips, along with other bad things. BUT the next day I decided to do better and this cycle of improving has just continued.

It actually is getting me excited to be making these changes. I've also been working out really well and staying consistent the past week. I have already dropped 3 lbs and I am happy with the progress. I forgot how much motivation there is in watching my body change from my hard work and effort. The changes are small and only I can feel them at this point but I know that if I keep up the efforts I will be able to see the differences. Hopefully in the way my pants fit me.

The works outs have also been another lesson. I know how to lose weight and I know which exercises work best for me but it's all a matter of me actually doing them. I tend to sell myself short on what I can do. Especially when I haven't worked out in such a long time. I don't realize just how big the barriers my thoughts are putting on myself. I am learning to talk to myself in a more positive way and in a more encouraging way. So when I'm feeling tired and ready to stop not because I can't go anymore but just because I don't want to work that hard. I tell myself, "Don't cut yourself short, it's not going to help you reach your goals, go a little further. You'll be happy you did." Usually when I'm really struggling I repeat this a few times. But once again big changes require small steps. These small steps I'm taking are leading me down the path I have been struggling to find for a few months now. And now that I'm back at the beginning of the path I am looking forward to staying on it and reaching my goal. My goal to finally feel comfortable in my own skin and clothes again. A goal to keep me healthy so I can be there for my family. I'm excited to finally be back on track!

These small steps to change are the hardest to get moving but once they are in motion I feel like they are the hardest to stop.